Burdened to perform?

At the outset let me wish all our mothers, A VERY HAPPY MOTHER's DAY! All over India, now it is the season of crucial exam results (10th & 12th) involving young students.  Last week I was pained to read that an 'upset 10th standard boy committed suicide' although he had scored 74%!  Not even his parents console could prevent him from committing the grave act. 

Such is the pressure on our young students to 'perform or perish'! 

Is it good to pressurize young minds?  Are parents alone responsible for all these developments?  It is time to think over.

Seniors of my generation have now witnessed three generations of young minds handled in three different ways. I fondly recall my own young days of 1960s.  We were fortunates in being a part of 

a large family.  We were all from small places where life used to be simple with little expectations.  Guidance and hand-holdings were more from elder sisters and brothers than parents! Going to school used to be more fun and play than learning.  Teachers used to know all students and their parents personally.  But 'feedback on us' was neither sought nor given.  Home-works and tests were virtually not there and passing the year end exam was a mere formality. Tuitions, music classes, cricket coaching and summer camps were unheard!  For scoring 74% in 10th, I was hailed a 'school-hero'.  Compare this to today's child who has committed suicide for scoring just 74%!

Then came the 1990s.  They were the years of my children.  Families had become smaller with only 'two children'.  Grand parents too were still a part of the household. Income of the families had considerably gone up and also the expectations.  

Pressure to perform was there on children right from childhood.  Educated and even employed mothers virtually used to rule the roost in children related issues.  Children were even pushed to extra-curricular activities like dance, drama, music and of course cricket too!  Often one could see parents thrusting children on desires and achievements they had missed during their childhood. But once children used to come to 10th and 12th, academics used to become the number one priority!  Take a seat in a reputed BE/MBBS/MBA college used to be the mantra.  Thanks to the team effort of parents and children, most of the students used to get in to good professional colleges.  Also the boon of LPG reforms (1991) and the IT revolution helped landing our children in good jobs too.

And now we are witnessing the days of our grand children. We have almost realized that 'our days are over and our writ no longer runs on our own children, leave alone the grand children!  

Most modern parents prefer to restrict to one-child norm.  May be parents have professional compulsions.  But are they not denying the benefit of an in-house company to the first child? How will the child learn the spirit to share, tolerate and co-exist?

Incomes of modern families have multiplied dramatically.  Added to this they have the benefit of properties and savings from their seniors too.  LKG fees now runs in to lakhs, but who cares? Mother-tongue is no longer being spoken even in homes. Our tradition, culture and festivals are almost forgotten!  Foreign trips and postings have become so common for the present generation.  But pressure on young minds to perform too has grown by leaps and bounds.  Modern parents should realize that we have moved away from the days of BE/MBBS/MBA.  Opportunities for challenging careers are now spread over a variety of subjects and activities.  Self-employment and business which was a 'big no-no' for middle class, now has become an attractive proposition. While modern parents are welcome to groom their children for such challenging careers, they should know that pressurizing the young ones on performance issues will do more harm than good.  Modern children need the parents love and affection more than their guidance!

Every child is unique and it is a sin to compare children.  But

these are the days of 'reality TV shows'.  Knowingly or unknowingly our modern parents tend to express too much appreciation for the  young contestants in these shows, indirectly belittling the esteem of their own children! And our TV judges also lavishly praise contestants, although undeserving many times!

Early memories of my beloved father takes me to the day when he had taken us to the 1958-award winning film  'School Master'.  It was a

master-piece from the veteran show-man B.R.Panthulu.  When 'Vasu', the young student steals the teacher's pen, the master teacher handles the issue by excusing him and permitting him to keep the pen, but not before highlighting the ethical ways of life. And towards the end 'Vasu' grows to become a Police officer and restores his teacher's pride was of course a dramatic climax.  But is this not a great lesson for our modern parents?

Last decade, we saw the memorable movie 'Tare Zameen par'.

Most parents fail to recognize the talents and desires of young children.  Instead they thrust and pressurize children to 'score more marks'!  Should they not listen to the inner cry of their child?

  मैं कभी, बतलाता नहीं 

 पर अंधेरे से डरता हूँ मैं माँ

यूँ तो मैं, दिखलाता नहीं

 तेरी परवाह करता हूँ मैं माँ

 तुझे सब है पता, है न माँ 

तुझे सब है पता.. मेरी माँ 

(Shankar Mahadevan, Parsoon Joshi, Shankar-Ehshan-Loy. Listen using link given below)

https://www.google.co.in/search?q=andhere+se+darta+hoon&oq=and&aqs=chrome.1.69i59j35i39j69i61l3j69i57.3307j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

We are a male-dominated society, living in a cricket-crazy world.  A couple of years ago, it was a pleasure to see a biographical film 'Dangal'  wherein a father pushes his 'girl-child to excel in wrestling'!

The other contrast was provided by the Telugu film 'Dhoni' wherein a father pushes his son to become an MBA, much against son's desire to become a wicket-keeper-batsman like M.S.Dhoni! Both these films have a great message for our modern parents.

Of course, I know that the modern generation hates advice, and we seniors don't know how to keep quiet!  But the day clearly belongs to our modern parents and I am sure they are capable of handling the situation well.  And of course, they have umpteen number of valuable lessons to take from various sources.  May God bless our GenXT!

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